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14 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Strong After Your Child is Born

published at CuriousParents.com - June 2006

Q: My husband and I became parents for the first time in January. We are so overwhelmed with our new role that it seems we never have time for each other. Both my husband and I are wondering what we can do to keep the “us” in our marriage now that we are new parents?
– Marla J. from Voorhees, NJ

A: Experiencing the birth of a child is absolutely one of life’s greatest gifts, and it can also bring on extreme stress. Partners experience this life transition differently. Remember to ask for help when you need it and have a plan that supports the marriage as well as your new born child. Here are some ways to help lessen the strain, stress and misunderstanding of parenting.

1. Be patient and forgive the mistakes. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. A sleep deprived parent yes, perfect no.

2. Give suggestions in a loving way without making them mandatory and be flexible.

3. Remember there is more than one way to do things.

4. Continue to do the things you love.

5. Build a community of a support around you.

6. Remember to have date night once a week away from the home. The sooner you begin having dates together on a regular basis the stronger your relationship will become. Find someone you can trust to take care of the baby.

7. Schedule an away weekend quarterly.

8. Eliminate unnecessary responsibilities to free yourself up a bit.

9. Make the time to be alone together. Create special times at home after the children are asleep.

10. Listen with a quiet mind. When listening attentively, your disagreements can be resolved much more quickly and when you have children, every nanosecond counts.

11. Ask for what you want when things come up. Speak freely with mutual respect.

12. Share your expectations of your new role as parents with each other without giving up your roles of lovers and life partners.

13. Share your disappointments while creating solutions for what can be changed.

14. Begin new family traditions that honor your family values.

Best wishes and enjoy your lifetime treasure together.

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