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21 Ways To Say Without Sounding Mean!

published at CuriousParents.com - November 2005

Parents ever feel like your children tune you out when you say “no”? Less is more. Instead of following through 1,000 times, say it once!

1. “That is not an option.”

2. “I am unwilling to (fill in the blank), however I would be willing to (fill in the blank).”

3. “What do you need to do for me to say yes to that?”

4. Use humor to defuse the situation, yet be respectful. “Never in a million trillion years!”

5. Validate your child’s feelings. “I can understand how you might feel that way.”

6. Paraphrase. “It sounds like you want to really go to this party. The timing is not good.”

7. Focus on yourself not the child. “I’m just not ready for you to do that just yet.”

8. For a younger child, use distraction. Take away an object and replace it with a more appropriate choice at the same time.

9. Ask questions gathering more information. “Is this a good choice for you? What makes it so? Is anything missing that you might need to know before coming to a decision that is in your best interest? What are your other options?”

10. “I do not think so, but I would be willing to (fill in the blank).”

11. “I appreciate you asking, however (fill in the blank).”

12. For a youngster who has something you do not want them to have, say, “Thank you good boy/girl” and use a replacement.

13. Ask for other options.

14. “I appreciate your asking, however, the request is not something I could agree to. What would you be willing to do different?”

15. Give alternatives.

16. State only the facts as to why you have to say no. “Dinner is in five minutes.”

17. “I can understand how you must feel and how important this is to you. I am not able to say yes to that.”

18. Accept feelings. “I know you do not like this; however, it’s not negotiable.”

19. Give yourself time to think. “I know you want an answer right now; however, I need time to think about it.”

20. “That doesn’t work for me. We need to come up with another idea we either can agree to or compromise.”

21. “I see how important this is to you. Not this time, but maybe another time.”

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