Recipes

Recipe for Revenge Seekers

It takes just one person to end the war. You have no control over what others do or say, but you can end your part in the cycle. Don't hurt back, blame, control or humiliate. Stopping your part is enough to change any situation.

1. Deal with the hurt feelings through validation and expression.

2. Teach the difference between feeling and doing. What is and is not acceptable behaviors.

3. Ask if positive time out would be helpful and calming.

4. Allow the child to share his perspective.

5. Schedule a good time after the conflict to work on solutions.

6. State the problem.

7. Repair the damage; put thing right. Each person takes responsibility for their part in the problem. Ask what could be done differently next time?

8. Work to help the child feel a sense of belonging and significance. Children do better when they feel better.

9. Act respectfully. It is impossible for people to be mean to you when you are being nice to them.

10. The best way to teach respectful attitudes to children is by modeling them.

11. Winning cooperation comes from jumping on their side first. Seek first to understand.

12. Work out a solution you both feel good about.

13. When children feel hurt they want to hurt back. Stop the cycle of revenge by acknowledging your child's feelings. Support them in learning healthy ways to express themselves.

14. Refusing to do the expected changes things and creates opportunities for negotiations.

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