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Recipes for Getting Your Children to Listen – The First Time
published at South Jersey Mom's Magazine, June 2007
The Greek philosopher Socrates knew that asking questions was the most effective way to teach so his students would learn and retain information. Kids begin to develop "parent deafness" when parents repeat themselves over and over again. Try telling them once and following through a thousand times!
The ingredients in this recipe invite cooperation while building self-confidence in your child.
State the request only once.
Keep it simple by using only one word requests... bed, dinner, nap, etc.
Remember that repetitive commands create "parent deafness". Be brief without justifying your position.
Follow through, but acknowledge your child’s feelings by saying things like, "It sounds like you are feeling sad."
Have a natural consequence in place before setting limits and rules. Keep your child informed about what will happen if the rule is broken.
Give children lots of choices and allow them to create some of their own.
Ask your child "important" questions, such as, "What do you think is important about taking a nap?"
Don’t ask "Why?" questions. Instead, try "What?" "How?" or "Tell me more" for better results.
For example: What are you feeling right now? How do you think your friend will feel if you do that? How can you make it better? What do you think we should do? What might you do differently next time?
Be persistent, and you will see a marked change in your child’s behavior. If you don’t – call me!
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