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Recipes for Creating a Peaceful Bedtime Routine
published at South Jersey Mom's Magazine, September 2007
Many times, going to bed is not the issue. Children can sense when you are in a hurry and may feel a sense of urgency to connect with you. At the end of a long day, parents look forward to peace and quiet. Instead, they usually experience frustrations with getting the kids to bed. Here are some ideas to explore and think about.
1. Spend a few minutes of quality bedtime, sharing what was important about the day. Have children share the happiest part of their day and what they are thankful for. This creates a sense of closeness and connection.
2. Honor yourself and your personal needs during the day so you are feeling up for this traditional time of saying good night.
3. Create loving routines and lasting memories for the future. When saying good night to my daughter, I would delicately run little pieces of her hair through my fingers (angel touches), whispering what I loved about her with each stroke. Each night she looked forward to bedtime! What makes your child feel loved?
4. Include both parents in the bedtime routine, either together or taking turns.
5. Keep the hour before bedtime quiet and calm with a lowkey daily routine. Watch a soothing video that is timed perfectly with saying good night.
7. Set a timer one-half hour before your child’s bedtime to avoid unnecessary frustrations, giving choices for last minute requests, finishing up an activity and brushing teeth.
8. Make bedtime fun with choices. Would you like to use the bubble gum toothpaste or the mint flavor?
9. Keep bedtime routines the same each night with a loving closing statement when needed, e.g., "If you come out of your room after we say good night, I will bring you back to your room without saying any words. I will not talk to you after saying good night." Children will pay more attention to what you do than what you say.
10. Be prepared for testing. Children love to see if you will follow through with your behavior. Say it once and follow through 1,000 times. Things may have to get worse before they get better. Prepare yourself for the challenge. Be kind and firm at the same time. By the end of the week, bedtime will become more pleasant for both of you.
11. Keep a reasonable bedtime, especially on school nights.
12. Teach children the difference between sleep time and bedtime. Bedtime is when you go into your room for the night. Mom and Dad are off duty. Sleep time is when your eyes close and you fall asleep. Parents, understand that getting to sleep is a transition for your child and it’s up to them to figure out how they will make this transition. Support and guide them with ideas; however, do not ever start something you are not willing to continue!
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